How many again?

I was driving south on I-580 the other day and saw a sticker on the back window of a car. I didn't get a picture because I was driving and I don't do that. The sticker read, "ZERO F★CKS GIVEN." Exactly like that, with the star and everything.

I didn't think much of it at the time because that's totally a thing everyone says now, right? There are memes and all that crap regarding the saying, all of which are dumb. The sticker is also dumb. Seeing that sticker stuck with me, though. Like, for a couple of days. I began thinking about it being on that car, and what it says about the person who put it there.

In order to be a person driving down the road at a reasonable speed with that sticker on your car, you have to give several "F★CKS" right? First, you have to give enough of one that you choose to advertise it to the world. Your thinking would go, "I don't give any F★CKS, but I do think it's imperative that people behind me on the road know this." That's one (1) F★CK given.

Second, you have to care enough about how you project yourself to the outside world that you spell it "F★CK." Wouldn't someone who doesn't care one bit spell it the right way and at least try to offend someone? Not this person. No way. That's two (2) F★CKS given.

Third, this car was traveling at a reasonable speed, with the flow of traffic. That seems overly cautious for someone who give no F★CKS. I likened that particular measure of concern with the guy I saw one time at a stoplight. Clearly, you don't fully subscribe to the philosophy you're advertising for yourself. So, I can't take it seriously. That's three (3) F★CKS given.

I probably missed several F★CKS that this person gives, but I got tired of counting. It's too bad that we can't get people who actually put their money where their mouths are these days. I blame the millennials.

Author

Ryan C. Jerz

Ryan Jerz is an all-around good guy who wants people to eventually refer to him as "that dude who climbs mountains."